Updated: Dec 14, 2021
In the early morning the day the Iraq war started in 2003, I woke up on the freezing tile floor of my parent’s bathroom– naked, covered in towels, and soaking wet. I had no idea where I was or what was going on, but there were paramedics sitting on both sides of me.
“Do you know your name?” they asked. I told them without hesitation. “Do you know your address?” We had just moved but I still remembered. “Do you know what day it is? The president?” I had literally no idea.
Later at the hospital, I found out I had been taking my normal routine shower before school and suffered a grand mal seizure. It was a miracle because it appeared my body knew what was going to happen and I had laid myself on the floor before seizing so I had no severe brain or body injuries (thank you, angels).
But what I didn’t realize at the time was how out of control I would feel in my own body for years to come. I had more and more seizures even with medication.
The doctors could never find an answer for as to why they were happening. But for me, I started to notice a trend. And it’s something that I am so thankful my angels and guides shared with me.
Back when I was a child, 4-8 years old, I used to communicate with nature and angels. I would sit with the trees and could literally feel their energy pulsating. Trees that had been cut or their energy felt off, I would sit with and place my hands upon them to send “healing light,” as I would refer to it. I also loved being alone and have vivid images of sitting in my bedroom or my closet with my eyes closed meditating(although I have no idea what I called it at the time, it just felt right) and seeing images of ideas and beliefs I still connect with to this day.
I found yoga when I was a preteen via a close friend’s family. They were unitarian universalists and very “hippy” but I absolutely loved that about them. I remember being in the basement of their ranch-style home practicing yoga on large exercise balls. I felt happy and free and just so connected. Their home felt so ahead of the times.
But once we moved, my mom started drinking again (I love you mom, she is now fully recovered), and I went through my first break up, or rather what I like to call– the time I dumped a guy and closed my heart to real love for years. I created a major shift I had to go through.
What I noticed about the seizures and the times they chose were used to shake me up and wake me up as well as the world.
The first one happened the day the war started, then the next one the day there was a huge earthquake, then one when there was a huge tsunami, and more. It was always when people’s hearts were shaking, breaking and things were destroyed, much like I had done to myself.
During this time, I was attracting men who emotionally, physically, and, yes, sexually abused me. Without going into too much detail, I was raped and physically and emotionally abused by men I had decided to be with. But I had looked at them all and somehow seen their possibility, not who they truly were.